The Illusion of Influence
"A reasonable person seeks to be understood, rather than to be right."
We’ve all seen it in politics: The illusion of listening to a constituent just to get votes at the next election. Shaking hands, kissing babies and nodding along with a heartfelt look on one’s face just to walk into a back room and do nothing different despite the pleas of the constituents they just met with, seems like the modus operandi for too many.
In Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, the idea that most people just need to be heard in order for them to feel appreciated and valued is presented as a way to create an atmosphere of trust and mutual respect, thus leading to more productive and harmonious relationships. I agree with Covey in many ways but what this principle doesn’t consider is that some people in leadership positions ignore how to do this in a genuine way. Effective communication involves active listening and empathizing with others before expressing our own thoughts and opinions. And on occasion, when we truly listen and empathize, our own opinions might change as well.
I have unfortunately witnessed those in leadership try to put on an empathy hat for a few hours or even days, but ultimately, their true colors still shine through at the end of the day. As a leader, it is extremely important to ensure that nothing you do is just for show. Your actions must be principled and come from a genuine place of trust for anyone under your leadership to truly believe. Does that mean you can’t stand for something? Absolutely not! Though our society may not be completely used to it anymore, when you stand up for something, that actually makes you a better leader. But it goes hand in hand with truly listening and seeking to understand opposing points of view.
Our leadership of others will be better when we seek to understand and empathize first. We don’t always have to be right nor do we always have to agree. But we can’t be afraid of the conversation.